Unruly Behavior

My mother wanted me to get a respectable job. Instead I choose to be an IT Jockey. I should have listened to my mom...

This mail graced the box of EVERYONE in IT this morning from one of our uers.



Essentially the user is upset becuase their trash was emptied, apparently without warning. How amazing, trash, thrown away. This happens about once a week here from our users, "My Deleted Items are gone, I needed those, that is why I deleted them."

WTF - ? - Look up Delete on the Internet you dumbass.

Here is a picture of the "Deleted Items Folder". Damn, if that does not look like a trash can. Imagine, taking out the trash... unholy activity!



We had to send the user a message that on our system, she would have had to click an OK box or manually start the emptying of her trash. Please open a ticket if you would like your trash bin recovered. Genius!

Labels: e-mail, Outlook, stupid users

I can't make this shit up, really.

This is an actual ticket that was opened while I was at lunch. Mine is the longer of the two responses.



I can fix the Exchange Server, fix your Outlook, manage the VMware farm. But I'm not looking for a fucking ghost.

Labels: stupid users

It has been a very odd week around here. Some things and places are very normal, some places look like the hurricane hit yesterday. And there is no rhyme or reason to the patterns. The Wal-Mart on my end of town is business as usual. The Wal-Mart at the other end of town still does not have full power or perishable groceries.

After a week like last week, you begin to notice the odd things you missed. Speed Racer The Movie came out on DVD last Tuesday. I didn't get to take advantage of the release week Sale Price becuase no stores were open to sell it to me, and none of them would have had stock anyway I think. Wonder why they didn't extend sale prices on things like this for their customers. Oh well, I'll have to wait till it goes on sale to see Christina Ricci as Trixie again I guess.



Meanwhile, I've had my first visit from a Nationwide Insurance adjuster. Spent less than five minutes at my house, taking pictures and then just left, didn't say bye, didn't leave a business card. Nice. Called Nationwide just to be sure he was really one of their employees. Nationwide has been nearly worthless in this experience. I've been passed around by adjusters, then told I had to file my own claim with the Texas Wind Insurance Agency. Contacted them, they said my agent had to file. My agent doesn't answer his phone, and his voice mail box is full. The 800 claims number from Nationwide couldn't help me, the adjustor couldn't help me, I finally had to push and file with TWIA on my own. I'm thinking I should find a Homeowners/Windstorm/Flood insurance agent far from here, say San Antonio or Dallas. Somewhere that if I have a problem, they aren't likely to have the same problem or worse. Next time you hear that commercial that says "Nationwide is on your side", be glad. I can't imagine what they would be doing to me if they were not on my side.

Things at work are sort of back to normal. Last week while we were on generator power, we had to rig up some workstations with Extension cords and power strips. One of our genius users unplugged a working system, re-wired it, then called us when it was not working. The picture is below. Yep, they plugged one power strip into another, then a thrid daisy chained off the loop. Wondered why they had no power to the devices on these strips. No kidding, true story.



Those of us that worked the hurricane got a $1000 bonus today. About $800 after taxes. I took $100 of it to the Spec's Liquor Warehouse and got a 750ml bottle of Don Juilo Tequila for shooting. A 1.75L bottle of Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville Tequila for making drinks. And a 24 pack of Red Stripe for my wife, who sent me text saying, "Don't come home without Red Stripe beer or I will kill you." At least she knows how to negoiate. Also saw the funniest brand of Tequila ever, "Don Nacho". Would someone actually buy this, thinking Nacho is good? Sure, Nacho makes a great Cheese, but Tequila?

One of Jamica's finest exports. And a good way to keep the wife from killing me...

Labels: beer, dvd, hurricane, speed racer, stupid users, tequila

When I first started my current job, one of the first things I discovered was how much porn our users were storing in their e-mail. Windows Video, AVI and Power Point Show (PPS) files filled our mail database. So, I removed it all, 4GB of Porn, from about 70 users, was extracted. As a result of the file analysis, we decided to block multimedia from our mail server. So, today I get an e-mail from one of our Executive VPs (of which I think we have 80 in a company of 350). Now, this guy is smart, he has sent in e-mail complaining that there were puddles in his branch parking lot after a rainstorm, that the fan in he mens room was not loud enough and people could hear him shitting, and another time, after a hard freeze that plants were dead in his flower beds. Brainiac. So today, he printed out an e-mail on a color printer, wrote some notes on it, scanned it in as a .PDF file and e-mailed it to the wrong technician. His complaint? A Video File was blocked. So, I did a little research and found the following e-mail from the sender, who is technically, I guess, the bank's customer...

Hell yes it was a business email. It was a video of new television ad. Thought the bank would be interested. Seems that IT is running the shop. Might have been a multi-million dollar deal. I guess George Orwell would be delighted – big brother is watching. Tell the stupid a$$ bites that are trying to control life to go get a life and quit trying to stifle things. They don’t make the bank a freaking dime, but you sure as hell do. Sounds like a bunch of damn communist are running the show. Screw ‘em. Now you know how I feel about such bull$hit. Maybe they want tell me what to do. My number is below. Geez, does the bank hire trustworthy people to loan millions of dollars and think they need a bunch of snoops to do something that amounts to nothing. I’ll tell you what it amounts to, just a bunch bureaucrats that are job justifying their positions. How about this let ‘em go sign up to be democrats and get on the government tit. Why not get them to concentrate on just making sure the computers work. Wow, what a novel idea. Fire 90% and work more efficiently. Job justifiers of the world unite and go to Denver. Oops, your guys are probably already there. And that’s what I think. Have a great day.

So, in one e-mail this genius has called me:

1. A$$ Bite (but he is too fucking timid to spell ASS).
2. Comunist.
3. Job Justifier.
4. Democrat.

Ok, first, this e-mail came from a satx.rr.com e-mail address. Great company this guy works for, too fucking cheap to get their own e-mail domain, they depend on Road Runner for e-mail. For $100 per year you can register with Network Solutions, get your own domain and hosted e-mail for up to 50 users. So your company is too poor to afford this expense. Sounds like a great company.

Next, this is a 30 second TV commercial you wanted the bank to watch, how does this become a multi-million dollar deal for a car wash with 5 locations? Yep, more car washes, just what the world needs.

Oh, and I Googled your company name, not a fucking result till the second page. You don't even have a fucking website you dumass.

IT does not run the shop, I wish we did, maybe we could get some folks to pull their heads out of their asses. We're a $750M bank, with over 40 locations. I'm sure someone would like to sue us for Sexual This or That, or any other reason. IT has to be fucking diligent, our users are too stupid to not need protection from themselves. Ever heard of a read receipt? Probably not, your cheap ass Road Runner mail doesn't support this shit most likey, get some real fucking e-mail. I currently support 350 users on Exchange. Try that for a day you jackass.

IT may not directly make the bank any money, but without us these users would fuck themselves into oblivion. You would be amazed at their ability to hit DELETE and remove their most important documents. And they couldn't remember their goddamn password if it was tatooed backwards on their forehead and they were standing in front of a mirror. A bank lives or dies on it's data, and without us this place would have a lifespan of about 30 minutes.

Try this on for size, our users don't own the e-mail system, it is property of the company. I wish I could post your name for sending this e-mail, but I'd get fired, and I've got a wife and kids to feed. How do you think your customers would like me posting some of the racist, sexist, animal fucking shit that I found you had sent to our domain from your corporate e-mail? Shit, you sent us a picture of a dog fucking a dead dear. That would be beastiality necrohpilia, something I doubt you could actually comprehend. Get a fucking Gmail account and send your porn to our user's home address.

Rant over. Felt damn good.

Labels: end user, mail, stupid users

Went to the mall for lunch today and found this tremendous parking job.

This is truly a half assed job, the ass end is the half that is in the parking space.

We looked around while going for lunch and didn't see anyone who looked obviously drunk.

When we came out we noticed it had been ticketed by the Mall Cops. Look out buddy, the Baybrook Mall Police are after you!

Labels: parking, police, stupid users

A real question, from a real user. Folks, I can't make this stuff up!

In our "Support" mailbox just now:

"For a couple of days, now, have been receiving junk e-mails. Rebooted on Friday before I left, and still receiving. Please assist. Thanks!"

Wow, if I had just thought of rebooting my PC to keep junk e-mails from arriving. What a great idea. I'm going to reboot every PC in the world and stop SPAM forever!

Labels: stupid users, work, wtf

I honestly don't know why I am amazed at people's stupidity any more, but I am for some reason.

Last Saturday I listed about 46 items on eBay, each carrying this disclaimer:

Seller's payment instructions
All items adult owned, non-smoking home.

PayPal payment is due within 3 days of auction close. Will ship next business day after payment. Shipping discount for multiple item wins, wait for me to invoice you with the shipping discount if you win multiple items in a 24 hour period.

I do not ship to Canada.

I do not take payment other than PayPal.

Within fifteen minutes of posting the listings through Turbo Lister, I get a message asking if I would take a check or money order.

Within an hour I got a request to ship to Canada.

Two days later I got an inquiry if I would combine shipping on multiple items.

Then, today I get the best message of all on one of my items:

I'm currently the high bidder on this item. I realize that you do not ship to Canada but it would really help me out if you could. If you can, I would like it sent by United States Postal Service. Please let me know if this is possible and the cost. The city would be Ottawa, province is Ontario and the postal code is K1B 4L5. Thank you for the consideration

What consideration? You stupid Hoser, I don't ship to Canada, I don't speak French, so I don't have a way to say it in any other language. So, I cancelled the idiot's bid, and added the obviously illiterate person to my Blocked Bidders list.

I think I'm just going to use PayPal to invoice the next dummy like about $250 for shipping to Canada and see what happens.

Labels: Canada, eBay, stupid users

Got the image above this morning in our support e-mail box. User asking, "Why isn't this application working today." So we requested him to send the user name and password he was using. Then we successfully logged in with them. So, what is the way to say, "Your application is not working because you are incapable of entering your username and password correctly on a consistent basis, please don't bother us with this any more"?

Labels: password, stupid users, work

Extracted from an actual e-mail in my inbox, just now:

"I will log off and you can fix it now…..while you are in there all my games are gone can you please replace them……my supervisor said this is all we have……how long will this take you."

Forwarded this to the bank president, told the user "No, you are not supposed to have games installed on your PC." I can't believe I had to tell them this.

Labels: games, stupid users, work

Ok, a friend of mine sent me this, the user complained their computer was runing slowly when the accessed the internet.



Ok, the use has loaded, Weatherbug, Google Toolbar, Yahoo Toolbar, MSN Toolbar, Google Desktop, AOL Toolbar, and My Web Search. You have to diable the pop-up blocker on 4 of the toolbars if you go to a site that requries pop-ups be allowed.

Best part, the end user doesn't want to get rid of the toolbars because they "need" them for things they want to do on the computer.

Labels: stupid users, work

Ok, I'm on the phone, I'm trying to order needles for my insulin pen from CVS Pharmacy.

I have the girl on the phone, I teller I need the BD Sharps quarter inch thirty one gauge needles.

She says, "We have five sixteenths in stock, is that the same size as quarter inch?"

I said, "No, that is thy the two numbers sound different when you say them, I want quarter inch."

She says, "We also have three sixteenths in stock, are those the same size?"

WTF? I asked, "Don't pharmacists go to college and take at least some basic math courses?"

She said, "Yes."

So I said, "This is really simple grade school math, I want quarter inch needles, not some other size."

I got put on hold, then she eventually came back and said they could not get the quarter inch any more. So I went with the five sixteenths.

Scares me these days what people do not know about basic things you need to survive.

Labels: bad support, health, stupid users

Ok,

I've been at the new job about six weeks now, and folks are finally finding me for help.

Here are a couple of the better support calls today.

Got an e-mail with this in the body of the message like this:

"I am getting copies on my copier from [location]."

Call me crazy, but getting copies on a copier doesn't seem that out of place. Even if someone is printing and you are unaware that they are printing, this would be normal behavior in my experience.

Then I got a call from someone who moved their laptop to another office. It wouldn't work in the new office. Took a wild guess. Asked if they unplugged the network cable from the wall and into their computer. "Yes," they said. So they plugged their computer to the other computer in the office and wondered whey they couldn't see the network.

Yep! Support is great!

Labels: stupid users, work

Ok, the wife and I stopped with the kids for Mexican food tonight. I had to go piss before ordering, and as I'm going I look up to see the following graffiti. Something that shows how bad of our current education system is these days.

#1 - Damn kids can't spell Cock. They are bragging about a six inch coke!

#2 - They are bragging about a six inch penis. Don't they know to brag about a minimum of twelve inches?

Man, I never would have made these amateur mistakes back when I used to write graffiti.

Labels: dining, education, stupid users, vandalism

Ok, this morning on the way to work, my vehicle died out.

Luckily, the nice guys from Pearland Police Department stopped by and pushed me off the road to the Diamond Shamrock station nearby.

I thought, cool, I'll go in and get some breakfast.

That's when I noticed the station was all closed up and out of business.



As I was bored, and wandered over to the door, which had this sign posted for the world to see.




Now, I'm no expert, but I don't think it was a computer problem when the inside of the store looks like this.




Oh, and the dealer just called, I had a bad air valve somewhere that was causing the truck to stop running, so it will be ready by the end of the day, just in case you were concerned.

Labels: commute, gas, stupid users

Ok, this happens at least once a week, might have even blogged about it before...

I have a lot of very well educated, well to do customers.

They call because their internet is down. First step is to have them reset power on their modem and router.

They cannot correctly identify the power connector. Reactions to my instructions of "Turn off the Modem and Router and wait ten seconds and turn them back on," are usually:

1. I can't find the power connections.
2. How do I do that?
3. This Modem / Router does not have a power connection.
4. I unplugged the power, but the Modem / Router did not turn off.
5. If I unplug the Modem / Router won't my computer loose power?

I don't know how these folks function. Nearly everything you buy today comes with some sort of power adapter, so it's not like this should be an unfamiler thing. And what do you say to someone that insists that their electronic device functions magically without being connected to a power source?

I love my job!

Labels: end user, stupid users, work, wtf

Looks like Sasha (like that pic of Sasha? After all her family's whining about her being only 16, I think it is funny she has a piereced tounge, only one reason a girl does that...) was arrested late yesterday, Evan does not want to press charges, but really should, I'll get to that later. The story is up at the New York Times, but you need a free registration to read their site if you click the link.

Now, Evan should press charges. Only dropping them when the family signs something that they will not go through with their threatened harassment lawsuit.

New York Times Story

How not to steal a Sidekick

Labels: other blogs, stupid users

I have a customer on the phone this afternoon, her PC has every concieveable piece of spyware, junkware, IM client, toolbar in the known universe. Yet she cannot install the Webex remote client successfully.

My head hurts. Where is the Tylenol?

Labels: end user, stupid users, work

I'm a member of the Corona Crew. Among our hobbies are trafficing stolen merchandise, in particular, the stolen Sidekick that was used to take this picture. But I'm just a victim of the US educational system, if you don't believe me, just read my completely incoherent e-mail below. That's right bitch, wrote that while I was stone cold sober.

An e-mail to Evan from Gordo:
"i dont know what to tell you i tell you is not her the one the paid for the phone i was her mom i think u dont want to settle about the phone and now u have people calling her to the house get this straigth i dont know what you thinking but this dont finish here if you keep talking about us we dont care what u said. but we getting tired of you and you story next do a movie to see if u make money and dont ask for donation to people they really dont know y you doing this i can give you donation if u want too if you need a lawyer paid for it with the donation good night "

Keep in mind, if I ever try to beat up Evan, all he has to do is hop away on one foot. I'll never catch him if he moves that fast.

You can read all about my exploits with the Stolen Sidekick at Evan's site.

Labels: other blogs, payback, police, scam, stupid users

Last week we performed a server upgrade for one of our customers that runs GFI Mail Essentials for it's SPAM filtering. This upgrade was more of a replacement, and as a result, they have a clean install of SBS 2003 and GFI. This esentailly removed all their SPAM folders till they get more SPAM and all the filters are replaced.

Today I get a call from one of the users, "My SPAM folder is gone, and now I am missing all my important messages I had filed there."

It boggles my mind that users store "Important Messages" in their SPAM and Deleted Items folders. We get calls like this all the time. I can't even imagine what the rest of their lives must be like, but I can try.

Boss comes into the office, "Jones, where is that important contract we've been working on the past few months?" "Uh, boss, I stored it in the waist basket right here on the floor, and that bitch of a maid threw it out..."

SPAM

Labels: spam, stupid users