Unruly Behavior

Just made my afternoon visit to the john. There is nothing so great as to find out that some chickenshit asshole is too lazy, afraid, inconsiderate or stupid to lift the seat before pissing. Yeah, no one has to work here all day, I'll just piss all over the seat, screw them if they need to take a dump later.

Too damn chicken to lift the seat?
Too damn lazy to lift the seat?
Grew up with people too stupid to lift the seat?

Follow this link to remedy your error.

If you can't lift the seat and pee like pa, then have a seat and pee like ma.

I work in banks, installing, supporting and maintaining their computer systems used in transaction processing.

Banks get audited for IT Security by either State or Federal auditors, depending on how they are chartered.

This would be great, if the auditors had a fucking clue. However, for the most part, they don't have a clue, and I get stuck cleaning up the mess. Or even better, I get to explain to the person who passed the government employment test with a GED as their sole source of education, that just becuase they think it ought to work that way, doesn't mean that it will work that way.

Recently all my banks have been getting OCC (Office Of The Comptroller Of The Currency) audits.

Three banks, three identical Windows 2000 domains. One auditor with a burr up his ass.

Says we HAVE to set the banks lockout policy for failed password attempts to 90 days. So if a user types in a bad password 5 times, his account is locked out 90 days, or until an administrator unlocks the account. Sounds simple, right? Well, Windows 2000 does not have a 90 days setting, you can only set it from 1-9999 minutes. Now, 9999 minutes is about 69 days, but the auditor is insisting on 90 days.

What a dumbass. Just what I need. Someone who has no familiarity with software, telling me that I sould be able to set it to do something that it will not do becuase of how the programmers set it up in the first place.

No wonder my blood pressure is so damn high.

Your software is bloated
With features that do not work
Microsoft, you suck

Got to work this morning and started working on a major project that has documents in most of the Microsoft Office XP suite.

Went to print the project timeline spreadsheet, and Excel does not print, it just locks up. Goodie. Started troubleshooting. Tried the "Repair Office" proceedure. Didn't work, bringing up the Print, Print Preview or Page Setup and the program just hangs. So I removed and reinstalled Excel. Still does the same thing. Ok, tried to find the base template for Excel to delete it and see if that fixed the problem. Can't find a base template file.

Talked to some buddies. Said I needed to completely remove Office, then manually remove all the directories and clear the registry. Ok, did that, reinstalled Office. Excel now prints.

Next step, edit and print my Visio maps of the current and proposed network. Guess what? Visio, which had worked all morning, now quits working.

So I'm off to reinstall Visio XP and all it's related crap. Lucky me.

Microsoft, you suck.

[Updated]

Ok, got Visio Pcrofessional XP installed, loaded SP1. Now I can't print to Adobe Acrobat 5.0. Time to load yet another program because one Micro$osft application quit working. Yeah, great programming on Micro$oft's part!

Reloading Adobe Acrobat caused Visio to stop loading. What a great setup. Had to completely remove both programs and reinstall. Wonder won't work tomorrow.

Seems those Peace Loving Muslims are at it again. Blew up a Marriot Hotel in Jakarta, Indonesia this time. I've got friends with family there, hope that they are all right. Can't belive that these assholes think that blowing up people like this is advancing their cause. It's about time we started building Neutron Bombs to cleanse the Middle East. Maybe the realization that we can kill you, then live in your house and drive your car/tractor/buggy without much more than a crime scene cleanup will get it through their heads that this is not a good way to behave.

Reading about this reminded me of their last target there, a night club. One of my favorite writers here, Ken Hoffman, wrote a great piece about his brother-in-law, who was my age, that was killed in the Bali bombing. Good reading, should be handed to every one of these terrorist bastards.

Yeah!

Producers have airbrushed out Angelina Jolie's nipples from the current Tomb Raider movie posters. And she is pissed.

Hell, I'm offended! Haven't they every seen an episode of Friends?

They should change the name of that show to Six Nipples and Three Guys. Yeah, I need to be protected from seeing the nipples of a woman that frenches her brother in public. How funny.

Got Valley Girl, and The Sure Thing, in the mail today from Deep Discount DVD, and there was a sticker on each one.

On the sticker, an offer to get a free DVD if you bought these two movies. And there are 39 of them to choose from, all pretty cool movies too.

Love a bonus like that. The world should work like this every day.

Here you go, a big, big, big fat dude is suing McDonalds. Claims they won't hire them as a cook becuase he is too fat.

Hell, maybe you are too fat, at 420 pounds, to work back in a tight, hot kitchen. I'm relatively sure you are also too fat to be a jockey, airline attendant or tightrope walker.

Instead of whining about what you are too fat to do, and they gotta hire me, the government says so, get off your fat ass, quit drinking melted buckets of Crisco, and do something for yourself.

Just one more jackass without any self control blaming others for his problems.

Thought Disco was dead? Not so!

Presenting Disco Squirrels singing Disco Sauna!

Stole a whole vacation home, the house, generator, water well pump, water storage tank, and everything in the house.

Saw the poor guy this morning on Good Morning America.

Ok, last weekend, SBC DSL services called me. I told them I wasn't interested, I have a cable modem, and I am happy with the service.

Today the phone rings, on the Caller ID - SBC 2102467894. What the hell, I need some entertainment, I'll answer the phone.

[Dren] "Hello!"
[SBC] "Hello sir, this is Ruby with SBC Yahoo DSL Internet Service."
[Dren] "Hi, Ruby, I'm naked right now."
[SBC] "Um, ok, well, we're calling to tell you that SBC now has Yahoo DSL Internet services available in your area."
[Dren] "Yeah, Ruby, I know, yall called last weekend to tell me the same thing, I was naked then too."
[SBC] "Um, ok, sir, you have a nice day." [Then she hangs up.]

Wohoo! Me 1, Telemarketer 0!

My wife says I have issues. I say, free entertainment at someone else's expense is great!