Unruly Behavior

Spent yet another part of my morning at a customer site, waiting for them to show up. Second day in a row I have shown up at 8:00 AM sharp, and the customer knew that I was coming. However, it was unimportant for them to be there on time to meet me. On top of that, both days, it was not important for them to tell anyone else that I was coming, or where the equipment that I needed to complete my job was located. So I got to sit in the lobby, drinking coffee and reading the paper. Not that I am against reading the paper and drinking coffee. However, the same customer will call my boss when they get their bill for the time I spent waiting on them and ask why they are being billed for me being there. You're being billed because you agreed to meet me at 8 AM, Central Time, at your office. If you are not there, you are wasting my time, and being billed for it as well.

Want me working, be there, or make sure that someone there knows I am coming, and have the parts ready. If you cannot do this, make the appointment for later in the morning, then I get to sleep in, you don't get billed, and everyone is happier.

So this morning at Starbucks, while I was getting my coffee, the sales girl asks, "Would you like to try one of our sconces today?" I thought about it for a second and asked in reply, "When did you start selling lighting fixtures?" She said, somewhat puzzled, "We don't sell lighting fixtures." I replied, "but you just offered me one." She said, "No I didn't, I offered you one of our sconces, blueberry, lemon or cinnamon chip." I asked her if she realized that a sconce was a lighting fixture, and what she was selling were scones, a subtle, but important difference. She just looked puzzled. I then gave up and ordered a cheese danish.

Ok, if you thought that the National No Call list would be great, and heard all the telemarketers on TV saying it was great, and they didn't want to call people that did not want to be called, you were wrong, and they were lying.

From the Houston Chronicle, Telemarketers Sue Over Do-Not-Call List.

That's right, they think that it is their right, under the Frist Ammendment, to call you, even if you don't want to be called. Remember, you're paying for the phone in your house, but you cannot stop them from calling.

So, it is now time to fight back against the telemarketers. Here are some suggestions, if you send me some additional suggestions, I will add them to the list.

1. Preface your conversation with the telemarketer with, "You don't mind if I'm nude while we discuss this product?"

2. Make an appointment for them to visit your house. Don't be there to meet them. Reschedule. Don't be there to meet them. Repeat till they catch on to your little system.

3. For the recorded messages that call and ask you to leave your name and number so that they can call you back, make up a name, and leave the number for your local politician. Even better, pay attention to the call us at this number messages, and leave a fake name and have them call another telemarketer.

4. If you can get a fax number, fax them a sheet of black construction paper. This is very bad for the element in a thermal fax, and really wastes the toner in a plain paper fax machine. It also takes up a lot of disk space on a computerized fax system.

5. If it is a photo studio, and they ask if you have any children, answer, "not that were ever proven by DNA testing."

6. If the carpet cleaners call, ask them if they can remove pig blood spattered during ritual sacrafice.

7. If it is one of those that just start talking, set the phone down gently and walk away. Let them talk to dead air.

8. Find an inanely stupid question about their product/service, and ask it repeatedly till they get frustrated and hang up. ie - "Does your carpet cleaning service clean carpets?"

9. Act shocked and surprised, like you just won a sweepstakes.

10. If it is a survey from a company where you have done business, and you have previously requested that they not call you, tell them that you will never do business with them again. When they get to the part of the survey as to why, tell them it is from the unwatned survey call.

11. Keep some firecrackers, the big ones, handy. Light the fuse, fake your own suicide by firearm over the phone.

12. Pretend you are depressed and want to commit suicide. Tell them you will kill yourself if they hang up on you.

The most important things to remember: Some of these folks are ordinary, hard working individuals that just can't find legit, honest work. Some are felons in prison working on phone banks. So don't be nice either way. If it is someone who doesn't know better than to work as a telemarketer, being very rude and unfriendly will help them to decide more quickly to get out of the business. If it is a felon, they problaby need to be reminded that they are in prison, and that Bubba is their girlfriend tongiht.

Remember, they called you, all bets are off. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

Don't ask me how I found this, I'll just lie and say something offensive.

FREE CONDOM

I wish I had a job this easy. The Center For Science In The Public Interest, the same people who alerted us to the danger of Chinese food, Mexican food, Italian food, Pizza, and Popcorn in movie theaters, have now determined that Ice Cream is also a danger to our helath.

Well, duh. These are the same assholes that ruined my trips to the movie theater for a while by convincing folks to pop corn in Corn and Canola oil instead of Coconut oil. Not give me a choice, not ask me what I want, but insist that things be changed for my overall health.

Fortunately the theater industry seems to have relented, and popcorn out has gotten back to what it should be, good tasting, and maybe not good for me, but hell, you only live once.

I have one simple motto to apply to this equation: EAT RIGHT, EXERCISE, DIE ANYWAY.

If the theaters in your area have given up on coconut oil, check out Home Theater Express, I've been using them for years, this is some great popcorn.

Oh, and if you like Ice Cream, the Starbucks near my house has $1.00 off coupons for their ice cream at the grocery store. It is some great stuff, and although CSPI missed that brand in this study, I'm sure it is really bad for you to boot.

They almost never do this.

From the Houston Chronicle, 5 Year Old stabs 11 Year Old Brother over a game.

Yeah, great kids, nearly never, ever, try to kill each other. Just happens every once in a while.

Great parenting to boot!

What kind of idiot kids are we raising today? I remember all the pissy shit we called mom or dad at work for when we were growing up, never occured to me that one day it might be attempted murder. "Hello, mom, you there? Yeah, bro stabbed me with a kitchen knife cause I whopped his ass at Mario Brothers..."

Hey, wow, this shit is trendy now, better get my blog on. This should be fun...