Unruly Behavior

When I first started my current job, one of the first things I discovered was how much porn our users were storing in their e-mail. Windows Video, AVI and Power Point Show (PPS) files filled our mail database. So, I removed it all, 4GB of Porn, from about 70 users, was extracted. As a result of the file analysis, we decided to block multimedia from our mail server. So, today I get an e-mail from one of our Executive VPs (of which I think we have 80 in a company of 350). Now, this guy is smart, he has sent in e-mail complaining that there were puddles in his branch parking lot after a rainstorm, that the fan in he mens room was not loud enough and people could hear him shitting, and another time, after a hard freeze that plants were dead in his flower beds. Brainiac. So today, he printed out an e-mail on a color printer, wrote some notes on it, scanned it in as a .PDF file and e-mailed it to the wrong technician. His complaint? A Video File was blocked. So, I did a little research and found the following e-mail from the sender, who is technically, I guess, the bank's customer...

Hell yes it was a business email. It was a video of new television ad. Thought the bank would be interested. Seems that IT is running the shop. Might have been a multi-million dollar deal. I guess George Orwell would be delighted – big brother is watching. Tell the stupid a$$ bites that are trying to control life to go get a life and quit trying to stifle things. They don’t make the bank a freaking dime, but you sure as hell do. Sounds like a bunch of damn communist are running the show. Screw ‘em. Now you know how I feel about such bull$hit. Maybe they want tell me what to do. My number is below. Geez, does the bank hire trustworthy people to loan millions of dollars and think they need a bunch of snoops to do something that amounts to nothing. I’ll tell you what it amounts to, just a bunch bureaucrats that are job justifying their positions. How about this let ‘em go sign up to be democrats and get on the government tit. Why not get them to concentrate on just making sure the computers work. Wow, what a novel idea. Fire 90% and work more efficiently. Job justifiers of the world unite and go to Denver. Oops, your guys are probably already there. And that’s what I think. Have a great day.

So, in one e-mail this genius has called me:

1. A$$ Bite (but he is too fucking timid to spell ASS).
2. Comunist.
3. Job Justifier.
4. Democrat.

Ok, first, this e-mail came from a satx.rr.com e-mail address. Great company this guy works for, too fucking cheap to get their own e-mail domain, they depend on Road Runner for e-mail. For $100 per year you can register with Network Solutions, get your own domain and hosted e-mail for up to 50 users. So your company is too poor to afford this expense. Sounds like a great company.

Next, this is a 30 second TV commercial you wanted the bank to watch, how does this become a multi-million dollar deal for a car wash with 5 locations? Yep, more car washes, just what the world needs.

Oh, and I Googled your company name, not a fucking result till the second page. You don't even have a fucking website you dumass.

IT does not run the shop, I wish we did, maybe we could get some folks to pull their heads out of their asses. We're a $750M bank, with over 40 locations. I'm sure someone would like to sue us for Sexual This or That, or any other reason. IT has to be fucking diligent, our users are too stupid to not need protection from themselves. Ever heard of a read receipt? Probably not, your cheap ass Road Runner mail doesn't support this shit most likey, get some real fucking e-mail. I currently support 350 users on Exchange. Try that for a day you jackass.

IT may not directly make the bank any money, but without us these users would fuck themselves into oblivion. You would be amazed at their ability to hit DELETE and remove their most important documents. And they couldn't remember their goddamn password if it was tatooed backwards on their forehead and they were standing in front of a mirror. A bank lives or dies on it's data, and without us this place would have a lifespan of about 30 minutes.

Try this on for size, our users don't own the e-mail system, it is property of the company. I wish I could post your name for sending this e-mail, but I'd get fired, and I've got a wife and kids to feed. How do you think your customers would like me posting some of the racist, sexist, animal fucking shit that I found you had sent to our domain from your corporate e-mail? Shit, you sent us a picture of a dog fucking a dead dear. That would be beastiality necrohpilia, something I doubt you could actually comprehend. Get a fucking Gmail account and send your porn to our user's home address.

Rant over. Felt damn good.

Labels: end user, mail, stupid users